Why is it so scary for other people that you change?
Summer 2016 – Everything was gooodRewind back time to January 2017, I was working at a job that I liked but I didn’t love it. At the time I already had a passion for plant-based food and watched a lot of youtube videoes about other people living a completely different type of lifestyle than the typical 9-4 jobs. Somehow and I don’t know why I just felt forced to take a serious job and stick with it. I didn’t have a choice.
At first, in this serious job, it felt amazing to have a stable economy and finally be able to buy quality food and clothes that I wanted and to be able to join trips with my friends. It also felt very good to save money into my savings account and to pay off student loans. I finally felt like I was taking responsibility for my own life and it was a very good feeling. I went on amazing trips, worked on cool projects and went to cool parties. But no matter how much I tried to ignore it, I kept having this feeling like I was waiting for something to start all the time. During the week I was just waiting for the weekend so that I could have a break from work. In my apartment, I was waiting with decorating because I didn’t know if I was going to live there for a long time. I saved all my money because I was waiting for something better to come along to use it on. During the weekend I was waiting for time to pass by so that it could be the holidays and I could travel. Traveling was the only time I really felt a real relief and like I was actually living. I was not at all comfortable in my own life and it kind of felt like I was living someone else life all the time just waiting for it to be over. It was very weird to me because I was usually not someone who followed others rules but I just felt like I had to this time.
As I have written about many times before this actually started to affect my health and a year of this type of living (add a lot of partying, bad food & not taking take of my self) I got really really sick, both physically and mentally. It was as if I got kicked in the ass forced to choose a different lifestyle. It built up over time until January 2017 when I just couldn’t hide or ignore it anymore. I completely broke down and my doctor told me I was both depressed and had gotten chronic fatigue syndrome or something like that. I have written it before, but it then took me six months to from this shock to I actually decided to quit my job and move to Portugal for a long break.
Now I feel like that change is the best choice I ever made. I am truly living every single day learning something new about myself and the world. I almost want to stop time because I want to enjoy every moment as much as possible. I still have horrible days but I am so much more grateful for these days now because they used to last months at a time, now it can pass so quickly. It takes time and practice but slowly but surely I feel like I can do anything that I want! Maybe I will take acting classes soon? Or travel to a new country, or maybe make a really cool movie?
I really want more people to understand that you will never get a permission slip to live your best life – YOU actually have to go out and take charge of yourself. It’s a cliché but life is short so why do you want to use your time doing what someone else expects from you?
Is it scary?
I hear all the time that I am lucky living this way, but it’s not exactly luck, it’s a choice and we all have it. I still work really hard, probably more than before, but now I do it for the right reasons. I still feel scared all the time, and even though people don’t think I notice their judgment, I do. I am also still way too strict with myself and probably need a chill pill more than most people.
However, I don’t want to live just to please someone else but rather to hopefully inspire and help others to take better care of themselves and the planet. This is something I am really passionate about and I really believe we can change so much!
Of course, there are big differences with this type of life compared to a stable job, such as a stable economy and routines. Other scary things that follow a new type of lifestyle is that you see some people pull away from you when you change and decide to work on yourself. Trust me, this is usually for the better and it makes room for other amazing and wonderful people will come into your life. Most likely, they wish they did it themselves.
In order to have the energy to take care of the planet, we need to start with ourselves. It’s not an easy job, but you will thank your self later for starting today.